February ?

Here we are.. end of February already.  It hasn't been too bad as Tom's meds are working well for him now.

Sometimes he thinks the medications ARE his problem and says he is going to quit taking them...... I reply with "It's your choice but if it were me and I was doing so well taking the meds... I'm not sure I would want to chance what would happen if I quit."

He says if he gets bad after stopping them he will just go back on them... I replied with..."That's all good BUT from what I have read... anyone stopping their meds and then going back on ..... don't go back to where they where but rather... they have declined more and can not get it back.........

I see him searching for the person he was and what he use to do..... He blames the pills on his lack of ambition and energy..... his tiredness...... and weight gain.  It's probably true in part BUT without the medications he wouldn't be sitting here thinking about what all he has lost.

Tom is anxious for spring..... he thinks there will be more to do?  We are planning on putting up a small garage but that can't begin till the road limits are lifted..... in April.     

He believes he is going to get a BIG DOZER in here and take out all my trees because he is tired of mowing around them......  IF you read the main blog you know he doesn't mow anything...... he just wants to get in a dozer and MOVE some big stuff...... He was born with operating BIG equipment in his blood..... He misses it!

On warmer days he has been down in the woods watching the loggers and talking to a few people he knows.....He sometimes takes one of the older Girls (Mag or Lilly) as they miss the old times too.

Tom sleeps till noon these days which is nice for me.... It seems to be apart of his new self.... He doesn't like the fact he is so tired and can sleep so much but that once again HIM knowing the way he WAS and isn't NOW.

Tom has his wants and needs well taken care of... I see to that first..... if he is happy.. everybody is happy.  It's just the way it is in this world with this disease. 

The hardest thing to accept and adapt to is their selfish self centered-ness which wasn't there when it came to me till this disease took over.....

Point being .... me and the millions other spouses  in my shoes... struggle to find me time.... somedays just being able to step outside the door and take in a breath of fresh air without hearing...."MOM??? WHERE ARE YOU?"

I am kept pretty busy just chasing after Tom and the Girls..... but there are times I find some free time on my hands and that is when I play with my projects..... I don't like to be idle for long......

Time on your hands just gives you time to think about all you are missing out on in the rest of the world..... and it serves no good purpose to even go there.... As a spousal caregiver to this disease it's best to make the best of the world you are confined too........ in hopes that you come out at the end still in tack to go on with your life.

It will be fun to see what March brings ....... We got so much snow this winter I expect spring to be plenty muddy so I am already working on "HOW TO KEEP THE MUD OUTSIDE"   ....... Now with Tom and the 4 girls.... that is a big challenge!   lol