UnPredictable?

If you know anything about Alzheimer's you know it is unpredictable ........ It's not always a down slide or plateau .... Sometimes it goes the other way for awhile... a day.... a week.... sometimes more......... or less......

I hope not to jinx it but Tom has been SHOCKING me lately with his "old self"  which is a very warm welcome as we could laugh together over nothing........

Don't get me wrong ..... it's a hit and miss thing BUT when it's a hit....... I soak up every second.  The funny part is he doesn't seem aware of it.... ??????  He just thinks he's in a good mood and having a good day.

I had to do some business in town... I left the dishes and a mess the girls had made from the night before.... I told him I'd clean it up when I got home...... I make all trips to town in the morning because he will most times sleep till I get back.

When I got home.... to my shocking surprise... he had washed the dishes and put them away (some not in the right places) and cleaned up the main two rooms in the house.....(the girls messes.... they had shredded rope and sticks .... boredom from rainy days.)

He use to clean house because he enjoyed it..... now leaves a trail......I told him the results of my trip to town and kept it simple and factual and darn it when he went to translate what I said to his sisters.... well let's just say... it was not what came from my mouth.  ha ha......

We played cribbage yesterday and I kicked his butt three times but he played well..... during the third game I could see confusion slightly creeping in and he said he didn't want to play any more.  I could see he was pleased he remembered the game.

His new saying as of late is "your funny"....... when he isn't sure what was said..... you can see it is his eyes....... and the words are said with a child's tone of voice.... nothing I have ever heard before..... It's cute!

Good Day...Gone Bad

The day Sarah ate the rat poison (May 16 th blog) was a good day gone bad........ Even though Sarah was just fine after the fact....Tom couldn't come out of the spin it put him in.

He was terrified beyond words...... He loves his girls more than his own life.  The words...."she will be fine"...... gave him only a moments peace but not lasting....

He was up and down like a yo-yo... (emotionally).  His energy was going to be fixated on something but I wasn't sure what...... I kept a vigilant eye on him not knowing what he would do.

He ended up going off on how he hates the brush piles out by the county road..... He was going to burn them all.........

I handled "him" the way "I know" will calm him the fastest...... and I was able to keep him to two "small" piles and I was able to get the word out to a forester as to what was taking place.....(just in case)...... who knew Tom.... the area and the brush piles.

He finally calmed.... sitting on a five gallon bucket......watching the "camp fire" burn.

"Let's go home Mom!........ I'm tired."

These brush piles are on the very edge of the woods and some are in the woods.....
If it took off there would be no stopping it.......

There was a burning ban before the rain we just got.  I don't know if it is lifted and it still requires a burning permit and than you usually can't start burning till seven at night.....

So it was a little stressful to say the least........ But all was well .... in our woods.... as the sun went down that evening.......  

The Little Things

I guess it's the "little" things that make me stop and realize ........ this is real.... this is really happening.....

When I met Tom... it was the "little" things that meant the most to me ...... and made him different than anyone else.

The "little" things have been hitting me like a rock...... Taking my heart and stomping on it..... I've been talking about the obvious... I've accepted what is and going to be so I can take care of him to the best of my ability.....

but these little things are causing me some pain......

The significance of the Flowers (May 7th blog) he picked and gave to me....... for those who didn't understand.

Tom has become "The Center Of The Universe"....... though Sarah competes for the title also........... lol.  The youngest child in the family and sometimes the first..... adopt this attitude as very young children........

I guess you could say Tom had lot's of practice as he was the Sun,The Moon & The Stars to his Dad.

When I met him I was that to him.....and have been "ALL" of that and more to him...... till this disease took over his brain.

BUT now..... to help those who knew Tom but not "US" ....... this has NOTHING to do with a learned behavior... "he always was"  behavior......

THIS is the disease (Alzheimer's) taking over his brain and it's functions. 

I was making a trip to town.  Tom was still in bed as it was early.  I was waiting for the coffee to finish brewing so I could take a to-go-ey cup with.  I TOLD Tom that is what I waiting for........ he had already reaped the rewards of the first pot and planned on going back to sleep.

"MOM..." he yells from the bed room.  "That's good enough... just pour me a cup out of what's there so you can go"............ "DEAD SILENCE" as I caught my breath...... "MOM?"......... "Okay honey!"...... I brought him coffee and left.

Tom is on his diet kick again...." Burger & Beans & Tomatoes & Hot Chili Peppers"...... (taste?== Alz.)

"Mom you don't have to eat this... You make whatever you want to eat and just don't worry about me"  he tells me...... I said..."No problem....fine with me"  He made a big batch so he could just warm a bowl as he wanted. (I watched  inconspicuously to make sure of what he was putting in it etc......he's not allowed in the kitchen)

Next day I cooked up some grub for me and the girls..... Tom came in from outside.  "Mom?.... what are you cooking?"  .......... Some burger and veggies to put over rice."  I answered thinking he was just curious what was on "my" menu.

He looked confused and asked "what's wrong with the "chili" I made?"......... I'm not eating that .... it's too hot."  I replied.  "No but I planned on eating my chili for super".....   "I know....."  Now I'm confused......... "I'm making this for me and the girls...." I clarify.     "OHHH!" he says sounding relieved.  "I thought you were cooking that for ME."

Just a couple examples of a daily thing........

SO now you see....... the significance of him picking flowers for me.......And what it meant to me?

Tom is not aware of this behavior.... in his mind he loves me as much as the day we met and tells me so all the time... and I know he does and always will...... so he sees nothing has changed....... in his mind.

Forecast: Rain!

We have been doing the de-acf coffee now consistently.... and his medications have been taken at consistent times also and I see a calmness.......I asked if he has been feeling calmer in general lately and he said "yes and I've been feeling good too"....... he added.  "Not so tired".......

He seems to be sleeping better at night and really well when he goes back to sleep in the morning for two hours.... he says that's his best........

He still flies off the handle easily but most of the time I can see a trigger which usually has to do with frustration due to his brain not working well for him.  Or if I forget and interrupt his train of thought........ and of coarse if he thinks I'm telling him what he can or cannot do....... that goes with the no word..... all of which we try to remember not to say.

I think Tom is trying to adjust to "new loss" that he seems to be aware of.... he is fighting tooth and nail to hang on, which is good...... that's why he got so mad at me over a simple box.... he knew it should be simple but he couldn't figure it out.

We have some much needed rainy days ahead of us so I need to think of something to occupy him ........ yesterday was the first of the gloomy rainy days and he went into a slump and crabbed at me all day.

He says he's bored.... he doesn't love TV...... I don't know....... any ideas?

Getting Better...

Tom had an episode last week end....I had to remove my self and the girls from the house so he could calm down as I could see he was escalating and wasn't about to stop.......

A reaction from me would add fuel to the fire and I NEVER react..... But I can also see he won't stop.... looking for a reaction.  So when I remove myself if he doesn't remove himself..... it put's the fire out.  

When my kids were little I would put them in their rooms and told them they were welcome to come out as soon as they calmed down...... well Tom is too big for me to physically put him in his room so I opt to remove myself right out of the house..... He calms quickly......

Tom is drinking coffee day and night..... I have now slipped in de-caf at night and after 3:00 pm.   It's making a difference with the aid of his new medication.....

It's a work in progress......