Good Day...Gone Bad

The day Sarah ate the rat poison (May 16 th blog) was a good day gone bad........ Even though Sarah was just fine after the fact....Tom couldn't come out of the spin it put him in.

He was terrified beyond words...... He loves his girls more than his own life.  The words...."she will be fine"...... gave him only a moments peace but not lasting....

He was up and down like a yo-yo... (emotionally).  His energy was going to be fixated on something but I wasn't sure what...... I kept a vigilant eye on him not knowing what he would do.

He ended up going off on how he hates the brush piles out by the county road..... He was going to burn them all.........

I handled "him" the way "I know" will calm him the fastest...... and I was able to keep him to two "small" piles and I was able to get the word out to a forester as to what was taking place.....(just in case)...... who knew Tom.... the area and the brush piles.

He finally calmed.... sitting on a five gallon bucket......watching the "camp fire" burn.

"Let's go home Mom!........ I'm tired."

These brush piles are on the very edge of the woods and some are in the woods.....
If it took off there would be no stopping it.......

There was a burning ban before the rain we just got.  I don't know if it is lifted and it still requires a burning permit and than you usually can't start burning till seven at night.....

So it was a little stressful to say the least........ But all was well .... in our woods.... as the sun went down that evening.......  

The Little Things

I guess it's the "little" things that make me stop and realize ........ this is real.... this is really happening.....

When I met Tom... it was the "little" things that meant the most to me ...... and made him different than anyone else.

The "little" things have been hitting me like a rock...... Taking my heart and stomping on it..... I've been talking about the obvious... I've accepted what is and going to be so I can take care of him to the best of my ability.....

but these little things are causing me some pain......

The significance of the Flowers (May 7th blog) he picked and gave to me....... for those who didn't understand.

Tom has become "The Center Of The Universe"....... though Sarah competes for the title also........... lol.  The youngest child in the family and sometimes the first..... adopt this attitude as very young children........

I guess you could say Tom had lot's of practice as he was the Sun,The Moon & The Stars to his Dad.

When I met him I was that to him.....and have been "ALL" of that and more to him...... till this disease took over his brain.

BUT now..... to help those who knew Tom but not "US" ....... this has NOTHING to do with a learned behavior... "he always was"  behavior......

THIS is the disease (Alzheimer's) taking over his brain and it's functions. 

I was making a trip to town.  Tom was still in bed as it was early.  I was waiting for the coffee to finish brewing so I could take a to-go-ey cup with.  I TOLD Tom that is what I waiting for........ he had already reaped the rewards of the first pot and planned on going back to sleep.

"MOM..." he yells from the bed room.  "That's good enough... just pour me a cup out of what's there so you can go"............ "DEAD SILENCE" as I caught my breath...... "MOM?"......... "Okay honey!"...... I brought him coffee and left.

Tom is on his diet kick again...." Burger & Beans & Tomatoes & Hot Chili Peppers"...... (taste?== Alz.)

"Mom you don't have to eat this... You make whatever you want to eat and just don't worry about me"  he tells me...... I said..."No problem....fine with me"  He made a big batch so he could just warm a bowl as he wanted. (I watched  inconspicuously to make sure of what he was putting in it etc......he's not allowed in the kitchen)

Next day I cooked up some grub for me and the girls..... Tom came in from outside.  "Mom?.... what are you cooking?"  .......... Some burger and veggies to put over rice."  I answered thinking he was just curious what was on "my" menu.

He looked confused and asked "what's wrong with the "chili" I made?"......... I'm not eating that .... it's too hot."  I replied.  "No but I planned on eating my chili for super".....   "I know....."  Now I'm confused......... "I'm making this for me and the girls...." I clarify.     "OHHH!" he says sounding relieved.  "I thought you were cooking that for ME."

Just a couple examples of a daily thing........

SO now you see....... the significance of him picking flowers for me.......And what it meant to me?

Tom is not aware of this behavior.... in his mind he loves me as much as the day we met and tells me so all the time... and I know he does and always will...... so he sees nothing has changed....... in his mind.